Let’s say for a moment that you’re a diver. And I’m your diving coach. You’re at the edge of a six-foot-high diving board and you’re experiencing fear of diving from up there. As your coach, I could come up along the side of that board and shout up to you about:
- breathing techniques
- relaxation ideas
- visualizing success
All good stuff…BUT…if there’s no water in the pool, chances are nothing I say to you about trying to feel less fear is going make a darned bit of difference. It’s because you know, as you look down at that dry, blue concrete, you’re not set up for success .
You have good reason to have fear; that’s not a phobia. If I had to do open-heart surgery tomorrow morning, I’d be terrified. I don’t have a phobia of doing open-heart surgery. I would have a fear of doing something important that I’m not trained to do. That makes sense!
So back to your high-dive: no matter how many times you tell me, “My issue is the fear,” I’m going to say, “No. It’s the lack of water.” And what I’m going to do, instead of helping you get over the fear of hitting blue concrete, is:
- tell you to get off the board via the steps
- lead you over to the hose on the ground
- show you how to attach it to the faucet
- teach you how to turn the spigot handle
- help you carry the other end over to the edge of the pool
- watch patiently and talk to you as you fill up the pool
Now, when you get up on that board again, it’s possible that you might have a little bit of butterflies in the tummy, and that’s okay, but it’s not going to be anything like before, right? Because now you’re looking at a nice, safe, welcoming volume of soft water. Sure, you might make more of a splash than you hoped to or your feet may go over your head a bit or you may get a little splash up your nose, but nothing you can’t handle. And then the fear is even lower next time.
So…what’s putting the water in the pool of public speaking? It’s giving me the chance to show you techniques like:
- balancing stories and data
- telling stories more effectively
- using your face, body, eyes, and voice more effectively
- appropriate places to include humor for connection
- applying “The 7 Variants of Vocal Variety”
- structuring with the “Four Steps to Successful Speech Structure”
- maximizing your slide deck…and more!
Time and again, I hear people who came to me mostly about fear say that it goes away more and more each week even before they ever get up in front of a crowd. Because it was never really about being afraid to speak in public; it was being afraid of speaking poorly in public. And that’s fixable. Once you feel like it’s going to go well, there’s not a lot left to be scared of.
Over the 20+ years I’ve been coaching, I’ve tried to apply this to other things in my life and generally find that, the more I stop and ask myself where I’m not as prepared, informed, and aware as I could be, the more I can minimize the so-called fear of whatever it is.